Hard-hitting coverage of events that did not, technically, occur.
Local Man Pulls Hamstring Watching Woman Stretch
At the gym, Larry learned an important lesson: flexibility can be contagious—but apparently only in reverse.
Nuclear War Threats Count As ‘Pre-Existing Conditions’
At a solemn meeting in Tehran, an exhausted Allstate representative reportedly delivered difficult news to Iran’s grand poobahs: their life insurance policies were being canceled effective immediately.
U.S. Allies Heroically Finally Offer To Help the US With Vietnam
In a stirring display of courage, several longtime U.S. allies reportedly arrived in Vietnam this week to offer their “full and unwavering support” only fifty years after America completed years of jungle warfare, casual...
Final Warning
Julia Child Recipe for a Kamala Harris Word Salad: No IQ Required
Bonjour, mes amis! Today, we are not making coq au vin or boeuf bourguignon. Non, non! Today, we prepare something much lighter, fluffier, and just a bit harder to explain—a Kamala Harris Word Salad. It is packed with ju...
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