Governor Earns Pre-K Civics Diploma, Announces He May Now Be Read

ST. PAUL, MN — Fresh off completing the educational equivalent of learning which crayon tastes least dangerous, Governor Tim Walz earned a prestigious Pre-K Diploma in Civics from one of Minnesota’s more “creatively interpreted” learning centers. The Governor’s dissertation was, Fraud isn’t really Fraud if you don’t think it is.

“Leadership is about growth,” Walz reportedly told supporters while proudly holding the diploma at shoulder height for cameras. “And after completing this advanced coursework, I finally feel qualified to lead the entire nation.”

The erstwhile faculty at the non-existent learning center praised Walz as an exceptional student.

“Tim showed tremendous promise,” said one instructor. “Whenever confronted with problems happening directly outside the classroom window, he demonstrated elite discipline by immediately redirecting attention toward a safer conversation about inclusion, vibes, or messaging.”

Administrators also highlighted Walz’s remarkable aptitude to speak confidently about outcomes while remaining emotionally detached from reality.

He hinted the achievement could serve as a stepping stone toward a future White House run. “I’m not saying I’m running,” Waltz clarified, “but after successfully governing a state while appearing only vaguely aware of what’s happening in parts of it, I do feel uniquely prepared for federal leadership.”