Monday, June 1, 2026No. 1,247 · Final Flood Edition
Forecast: 40 days & 40 nights · 71°
The NOAH Post ark sealTheNOAH Post

“Fake News, Two-by-Two”
America's Ark of Record

Newswire
  • POLLING — 78% of respondents say they didn't hear the question
  • WEATHER — Local forecaster admits he's "just guessing now"
  • SPORTS — Coach reportedly "very pleased" with the loss
  • OBITUARY — Local nap, age 22 minutes, peacefully
  • BREAKING — Man in cargo shorts asks where the coffee is
  • MARKETS — Mood "cautiously optimistic," same as yesterday
  • POLLING — 78% of respondents say they didn't hear the question
  • WEATHER — Local forecaster admits he's "just guessing now"
  • SPORTS — Coach reportedly "very pleased" with the loss
  • OBITUARY — Local nap, age 22 minutes, peacefully
  • BREAKING — Man in cargo shorts asks where the coffee is
  • MARKETS — Mood "cautiously optimistic," same as yesterday
Satire›Christian satire

God Asks Peter To Make the Bible More Pronoun-Friendly

Heaven — Speaking privately with Peter, God reportedly sighed and said, “Pete, apparently we dropped the ball on this gender thing. According to San Francisco, we’re short about 137. Find a few IT guys up here and update...

The NOAH Post  ·  May 30, 2026 ·  1 min read
Christian satireFake news
God Asks Peter To Make the Bible More Pronoun-Friendly
FILE PHOTO — God Asks Peter To Make the Bible More Pronoun-Friendly. (The NOAH Post / Stock)

Heaven — Speaking privately with Peter, God reportedly sighed and said, “Pete, apparently we dropped the ball on this gender thing. According to San Francisco, we’re short about 137. Find a few IT guys up here and update the website—put a rainbow in the banner and make it feel more welcoming. Also, let’s roll out Bible 2.0. I want more pronouns, a few emojis, and maybe reaction GIFs.”

Peter reportedly disagreed but quietly nodded, remembering what had happened the last time Gabriel had challenged divine direction and been reassigned to cloud maintenance for six centuries.

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